Archive for the ‘acceptance’ Tag
Love = Forgiveness and Acceptance
Filed under: By Nan Kuhlman, Christian Living | Tags: acceptance, Forgiveness, Love, place sharing, presence
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With Valentine’s Day a recent memory, I’ve been thinking about love and what it really means. Too many times, I think we only think of love as romance or simply a warm affection. I’ve concluded that sometimes love means forgiveness and acceptance, and from my experience, it’s this kind of love that has the greatest power to transform.
Some time ago, I agreed to be a tutor at the small community college where I teach. I was paired up with a student whom I’ll call Joanie, and we began to work on her Composition I class work. She was not the first student I had tutored, so I had certain expectations about her progress during our time together. Our second meeting crushed those expectations, though, as the very concepts we went over at the first meeting were forgotten by then. In fact, some of the writing work we did together had been erased or accidentally reworded, to the point that we had to start over again. It was like the movie 50 First Dates every time we met. She would completely forget, and oftentimes completely undo, everything we had accomplished during the earlier meeting.
Needless to say, I was ready to pull my hair out after the first few meetings. But she was so sweet, so excited to learn (even if she didn’t retain it), that pretty soon I realized that I needed to stop emphasizing the idea of progress and simply address her questions and concerns during that meeting. As long as I held to the idea of moving her along to greater understanding, I experienced frustration. Once I simply focused on helping her with her concerns, I was able to put in my hour of work, knowing that I had helped her, loved her, and treated her with the respect she deserved as a human being.
Although there is nothing wrong with the idea of progress, I think that when we allow it to affect our relationships, it can be a hindrance because we start expecting others to learn, to see, and to do as we do, not allowing for the individuality that was created by the Triune God. This reminds me of the saying, “We all get different things at different times.” By understanding the practice of presence and place sharing, forgiveness and acceptance, we are transformed.
Not too long ago, I read a comment someone made to a Face book friend about a posting he made that was very encouraging and uplifting about God’s love for all humanity. This comment made by this person was very legalistic, discouraging, and simply untrue. My first response was to comment back in an argumentative fashion, forgetting the lesson learned through my 50 First Dates tutoring experience. Then I realized, or remembered, that it’s not my job to create progress or understanding (in anything, really), but God’s. I don’t have to change anyone’s thinking about anything. My only job is to love God and allow that love to flow through me to others. Any transformation that takes place comes from the Father, Son, and Spirit, not me. I am not responsible – God is – and I can forgive myself for momentary lapses like this one where I forget that. Accepting others’ fallibility as well as my own and forgiving others and myself is where I find transformation and peace.
~by Nan Kuhlman
Perfect
Filed under: By Nan Kuhlman, Gospel, Love, Relationships, The Plan of Adoption | Tags: acceptance, individuality, perfect, Pink, Unconditional Love, uniqueness
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With three teenagers in the house, I hear a lot of music. Most of the time, I can’t make out the lyrics (which is probably for the best), but when I was chauffeuring my daughter on her paper route one afternoon, a song by the artist Pink caught my ear. Maybe it was because I could understand the lyrics, but I think it was because those lyrics struck a chord in my heart. I bet they will in yours, too:
Pretty, pretty please
Don’t you ever, ever feel
Like you’re less than,
Less than perfect.
Pretty, pretty please,
If you ever, ever feel
Like you’re nothing,
You are perfect to me.
(F*&%$n’ Perfect, Pink)
The song lyrics (and title) actually have an expletive in them, which was censored for radio and for this blog. Rather than dismiss the song because of its strong language, I prefer to think the expletive usage expresses how passionately we desire to be recognized as special and unique.
My husband and I have had three children together, and we have marveled at how different their looks and their personalities are. Two of them have brown hair; one has blond. One loves to read, but the other two hate it. Two of them are social butterflies, and the other often prefers to stay home. If we, as parents, feel such joy at discovering the specialness of our own children, why would the Triune God feel any differently about relating to and watching his children express their unique personalities?
Acknowledgement and acceptance of our individual personalities is one of the most basic human desires. I’d like to assert that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit actually do that, and not in a patronizing way. The Triune God doesn’t just tolerate us; they truly like us. They delight in our uniqueness, in our individual beauty, even our quirks. Ephesians 1:3-6 tells us that long before we were ever born, the Triune God planned to adopt us through Jesus Christ:
“Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son” (The Message, Eph. 1:3-6).
It’s a difficult message to come to terms with, given the unreachable standards doled out by the media and our culture. Even most churches, though they don’t realize it, sometimes make people feel as if they have to change themselves before God will find them acceptable or like them for who they are.
Our mission, should we choose to accept it, is to believe that the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit like, love, and include us in their fellowship (through Jesus Christ), and that we are perfect, even in the midst of what we think are imperfections. As we embrace whom we have been created to be, we gladly extend that same acceptance to others. Like a stone dropped in a pond creates ripples outward, love that doesn’t ask for change is the kind of love that is transformational and healing.
When I hear that song by Pink, I hear the Triune God passionately saying to us all, “You don’t need to change for me. I think you are perfect. F*&%#n’ perfect.”
~Nan Kuhlman
photo courtesy of http://www.pinkspage.com