Trinity and Humanity

I screwed up the other day, and I unintentionally shamed someone.  And it’s times like these when I think (or maybe I’m praying), Where’s the new man, the new self?  Where’s the changed person that I am supposed to be because the living Christ dwells in me?

I’ll bet I’m not the only one who thinks this, who has a lot of good days and sees wonderful progress in becoming who I think I’m created to be by God, and then just when I look the other way for one second, the old man jumps to the fore, reminding me that he (or she, in my case) is still there.  Doesn’t one of my favorite verses, II Corinthians 5:17, say  I am supposed to be different?

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here! (NIV)

This verse makes it sound as if once a person recognizes his or her inclusion in Christ, safe in the fellowship of the Father, Son, and Spirit, the old (or false self) is taken away immediately and replaced with the new (or true self).

My experience (and I’m guessing yours, too) has been that these two natures, our false and true selves, end up coexisting during our physical lives, and the balance between them really relies more on our understanding and belief in our acceptance and worthiness before God (because of our participation in Christ’s life now) than it is on some herculean effort on our part to “will” ourselves to behave and do good.

As a “new (wo)man” in Christ, my true self is loving, patient, and kind:  that is who I am now, as I knowingly live my life, resting in God’s unchanging love and acceptance of me.  However, my false self still is a part of me, still seeking to meet that need for love and acceptance in ways other than resting in the knowledge of who I am as a part of the intimate fellowship of the Father, Son, and Spirit.

I think that God is OK with my dual nature, because he sees me through the eyes of Jesus and knows that, ultimately, the true self will win.  He made it that way. In the meantime, his grace has created forgiveness in me, for myself and others, whenever my false self or somebody else’s has a brief moment.

I recently came upon this poem by Juan Ramón Jiménez called “I Am Not I,” and it helps me reconcile the duality of my human nature:

I am not I.

I am this one

walking beside me whom I do not see,

whom at times I manage to visit,

and whom at other times I forget;

who remains calm and silent while I talk,

and forgives, gently, when I hate,

who walks where I am not,

who will remain standing when I die.

~Juan Ramón Jiménez

My true self is who I really am.  It is always with me even when I unintentionally shame someone or screw up, and it is held safe, even after death, by the Triune God.  Amen.

~by Nan Kuhlman