Archive for the ‘authenticity’ Tag

“Made for Relationship: The Power of Authentic Connection!”

Lately, I find myself pulling away from my relationships, becoming more guarded, and isolating. Thankfully, a good friend reminded me of the importance of staying connected, especially in today’s world.

As human beings, we are innately wired for relationships. From the moment we are born, we enter a network of connections that form the foundation of our lives. Romans12:5 speaks of God’s Church in this way, “So in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others.” This verse highlights that we are made for community since the Church is Christ’s body, and we’re all to be conformed to Christ, sharing life’s joys and burdens together. True relationships involve belonging and mutual care, just as God the Father shares His relationship with us through Christ, by the Holy Spirit.

C.S. Lewis tells us, “In Christianity, God is not a static thing—not even a person—but a dynamic, pulsating activity, a life, almost a kind of drama. Almost, if you will not think me irreverent, a kind of dance. The union between the Father and the Son is such a live, concrete thing that this union itself is also a Person… What grows out of the joint life of the Father and the Son is a real Person, is in fact the Third of the three Persons who are God.”

C.S. Lewis captures the heart of divine relationship—a life-giving, vibrant union, where each Person in the Trinity fully knows and is fully known. This union is the perfect model of community and intimacy, it is the kind of relationship that God [Father-Son-Holy Spirit] desires to share with us. Through Jesus, we are invited to participate in this divine dance of love and connection, not only with Him but also with one another.

However, just as we may struggle to bring our true selves before God, we often experience similar challenges in our earthly relationships. It’s easy to keep up appearances, to offer a version of ourselves that we think will be more acceptable or likable. We regularly find ourselves skimming the surface of true connection, hiding our real selves behind walls of privacy and guardedness. We text instead of talk, scroll through social media instead of sharing our hearts. Likewise, we tend to show only the parts of ourselves that we feel safe exposing, frequently leaving the deeper, more vulnerable aspects hidden. While we may still be surrounded by family or friends, these relationships can feel hollow when we are not fully present, withholding the authenticity that fosters genuine connection. 

Opening up in this way IS risky because the other person may not return our love. However, the thing that makes relationships risky is the only thing that allows us to be relationally safe!  In hiding, we risk missing out on the depth and richness that comes from being unconditionally known and loved, flaws and all. It is only when we dare to be vulnerable, we create space for genuine connection. It is in this openness that we reflect the relationship God desires for us, and that we were made for by Him: one where love and trust flow freely.

Just as getting close to God requires openness, as Lewis writes, “If you want joy, power, peace, eternal life, you must get close to, or even into, the thing that has them.” This same principle applies to our relationships with others. If we want deep, meaningful bonds, we must draw near, remove our defenses, and allow ourselves to be truly seen.

The beauty of relationships is that they are not only about the joy of being loved but also the joy of loving others in their authenticity. When we embrace our real selves in Christ, we mirror the life-giving union of the Trinity, a union built on openness, intimacy, and love in our relationships. In this way, our relationships become not only a source of personal fulfillment, but also of fulfillment for the other; a reflection of God’s relationship with us, inviting us to live out the fullness of what it means to be MADE FOR RELATIONSHIPS in response back to God. To give as we have been given. 1 John 1:7 tells us “But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another….” This verse emphasizes openness and authenticity, both with God and with others. Walking in the light implies living in truth and vulnerability, which leads to true fellowship and connection with one another.

In John 17:21, Christ says “That all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me, and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.” This verse echoes being invited into the divine relationship through Christ and extending that union to our relationships with others. Dietrich Bonhoeffer in “Life Together” speaks to the importance of Christ in Relationships, especially when we feel the need to isolate: “The Christian needs another Christian who speaks God’s Word to him. He needs him again and again when he becomes uncertain and discouraged… The Christ in his own heart is weaker than the Christ in the word of his brother; his own heart is uncertain; his brother’s is sure.”

In a world that often encourages isolation and superficial connection, let us choose a different path—the path of authenticity. Let us step into the dance that God [Father-Son-Holy Spirit] has invited us to, bringing our full selves, and in turn, welcoming others to do the same. When we do, we will discover that the greatest joy of all is found not in hiding, but in being fully known and fully loved.

Photo Compliments:

1.) StockCake (EDITED)

Connection

My husband and I seem to have a problem with rings.  On our honeymoon 25 years ago this week, he lost his wedding band in the Atlantic Ocean off the coast of Rio de Janeiro.   About a month ago, I sucked up my diamond band in the vacuum, shattering one of the diamonds and ruining the setting.  Wedding rings are a symbol of the connection in marriage.  If our connection was based on how well we took care of our wedding rings, we would be in trouble.

Thankfully, our marriage is still intact and unaffected by our ring mishaps.  Life is messy, though, and relationship connections make up a large part of that messiness   Connection gives us purpose and meaning, and according to author and researcher Brene Brown, the ability to feel connected is part of our neurobiological wiring.

Brown shares what she’s learned through a decade of research into connection in a 20-minute presentation available on http://www.ted.com.   She tells us that in order for us to experience true connection with others, we have to show our true selves, imperfections and all.  We have to let go of who we think we should be and have the courage to be imperfect.  In other words, we have to be naked in all our glory.

This reminds me a verse in Genesis about Adam and Eve before the serpent showed up:

“The two of them, the Man and his Wife, were naked, but they felt no shame” (The Message, Genesis 2:25).  Adam and Eve experienced connection with each other, where they felt accepted for who they were and how they looked, and they graciously extended that to each other.

In her presentation, Brown reveals that shame (one major deterrent to connection) is universal – we all have it to one degree or another.  But her research turned up something quite unexpected.  She found that while shame and vulnerability were common to all, those who had healthy connections (a “wholehearted” approach) had a strong belief that they were worthy of love and belonging.  Though they didn’t feel being vulnerable was comfortable or easy, they saw that being authentic to themselves and being open and vulnerable with others was necessary for true connection to occur.

Being authentic to who we are and allowing others to see that is not easy.  But as I’ve thought about our hang-ups (okay, my hang-ups) with imperfection and vulnerability, I’m slowly becoming convinced that there is beauty in the vulnerability of imperfection through which the light of the Triune God shines through.  If we were created for connection with the Father, Son, and Spirit, as well as our fellow human beings, wouldn’t it make sense that the quality of our connection would depend in part on us being the unique person we were created to be?

It seems to me that any false self we might bring to a relationship would be unable to connect fully with another person, because the love and relationship that flow from the Father to the Son through the Holy Spirit to us would be hindered, like a corroded pipe prevents a free flow of water.

As we accept ourselves and give that gift to others, relationship snafus like lost or ruined rings aren’t that big of a deal.  Our beliefs that “I am enough” and “I am acceptable” give us the grace to weather the mistakes we all make.

When we are willing to be open, authentic, vulnerable, and imperfect, the beauty of the Triune God shines through us and connects us with others.   By being willing to be vulnerable and authentic, we become a conduit through which Divine love, grace, and acceptance flow to a very thirsty world.

                 ~by Nan Kuhlman

photo courtesy of http://www.weddingringspix.com